There is a point in sleep exhaustion when you stop making sense. Wave at this moment as it passes by.
When packing your suitcase, make sure you can haul it up stairs. Four flights of stairs. With no air-conditioning.
Airports are invariably grey speckled, unattractive structures.
Just when you think you can do something well, you will prove yourself wrong. Often with an audience to your failure. Sad, sad failure.
“Ah, plastic cutlery, sign of a fine dining establishment” - Mom
You are never too old for toy stores. or jelly beans.
Just because you can fit into an article of clothing, doesn’t mean that said article of clothing fits well or looks good.
British Accent Stupidity Syndrome (BASS) seriously undermines good decision making.
When reading in a bathtub, try not to sneeze. Soggy books aren’t fun…
When calling someone a ‘cocky little shit’ be prepared to acknowledge that the phrase is equally applicable to you.
The ;) face can make most things more awkward. Try it on anything ;).
In the midst of a heat wave, never think of the Sahara. Instead think delicious chilly thoughts of ice cream and snow-cones. Mmmm Ice cream.
Good handwriting is a blessing. Thank goodness for computers, because I missed out on that blessing.
Some days are meant to be spent in pajamas.
If your blond-haired, blue- eyed little brother suddenly rejects his caucasian heritage, and dubs himself ‘black’ and ‘gangsta’, get him help. and a mirror.
There is no way to eat a Popsicle without making it look sexual.
Just because you can pack it, doesn’t mean you should.
When procrastinating procrastination, get someone to yell at you for being lazy.
There is and will always be a line at the ladies’ room. It is a commonly accepted Law of the Universe, and like Gravity it cannot be fought.
If you find yourself in a bookstore, wearing a twilight shirt, basketball shorts, and crocs, take the time to ponder what the hell happened. Then seek fashion help.