The sentence “I’m on top of things” will always be a lie, unless you’ve named your bed ‘things’.
If there is a quote on the internet it will be mistakenly attributed to Shakespeare at some point.
Tell believable lies and unbelievable truths.
Don’t go commando and then get locked out of your room.
Cashiers will always nod understandingly when you buy more than five dollars worth of chocolate at once.
College is all about the choices you make. Not all of them will be good.
Don’t get drunk in platform heels.
There is no loathing like self loathing, because self loathing is a choice.
The emergency room sucks, and contrast tastes terrible. Don’t drink the contrast.
Don’t take five AP classes in one year.
Don’t say to yourself “Five AP classes will be fine! I’ll have so much time, I should also submit to AP 2-D Art”
It will not be fine.
Swedish Fish are the most powerful study tool known to man, distantly tailed by gelato.
Hour five in Miami international airport is possibly the worst
When you’re sick, tired, or otherwise impaired, you’ll begin to think that you and everything around you is 80% funnier than usual. It’s not. It’s really, really not.
Those who can’t write, write teen books about vampires.
Anything played on the pan flute is automatically torture.
Good literature is like an English muffin; it has nooks and crannies.
Please don’t use the previous lesson on living things. It might make me an accessory to a crime.
If you have a problem, throw it in the pool. Hopefully it will drown.
Never press the red button. It’s the panic button & it’s freaking loud.
If you’re in five AP classes, it’s probably best that you don’t miss a week of school.