The emergency room sucks, and contrast tastes terrible. Don’t drink the contrast.

Don’t take five AP classes in one year.

Don’t say to yourself “Five AP classes will be fine! I’ll have so much time, I should also submit to AP 2-D Art”

It will not be fine.

Swedish Fish are the most powerful study tool known to man, distantly tailed by gelato.

Hour five in Miami international airport is possibly the worst

When you’re sick, tired, or otherwise impaired, you’ll begin to think that you and everything around you is 80% funnier than usual. It’s not. It’s really, really not.

Those who can’t write, write teen books about vampires.

Anything played on the pan flute is automatically torture.

Good literature is like an English muffin; it has nooks and crannies.

Please don’t use the previous lesson on living things. It might make me an accessory to a crime.

If you have a problem, throw it in the pool. Hopefully it will drown.

Never press the red button. It’s the panic button & it’s freaking loud.

If you’re in five AP classes, it’s probably best that you don’t miss a week of school.

It’s a bit redundant to say “I was ugly sobbing.” There is no ‘cute sobbing’.

Most people don’t appreciate you babbling endlessly about your interests. Especially if your interests are non- newtonian fluids…

It is perfectly acceptable to allow certain books/ shows to become the dictators of your life.